About love: without fear and reproach
“Mummy, do not turn off the light, to me it is terrible, and so finds itself out of fear of darkness, primitive horror for possibility to pass coming nearer removal, to bring under the blow I will melt and to disappear most under sharp canines of an insatiable wild animal.
The author of the publication: Svetlana ANDREEVA, the psychologist.
All palette of feelings endured throughout our life directly depends on how much we have managed to develop and bring up in ourselves wanted them to test whether we have learnt to adapt them under requirements of a surrounding landscape, and whether there were they are comprehensible in that social environment to which we would like itself to carry. The library about love will throw light on the most secret feeling which the person is capable to test.
Whether the psychology of relations defines somehow feeling of love? Feeling of love – it’s not the one-dimensional phenomenon, and it does not arise in itself, does not develop in itself. Love – it is the top pole of emotional amplitude of a visual vector. Its maximum point; this feeling not initially and that it to test, it is necessary to create certain circumstances in the life, to prepare a fertile field display promoting and maintenance of in love feeling. But even it is possible only in that case and in that measure in what we have developed in the period to pubertata.
On the return – bottom – a pole of visual emotional amplitude there is a sensation of fear to some extent are endured by any visual person. Fear – it arhetipichnoe display. In primitive flight the timely fright was the guarantor of a survival of flight, rescue from approaching danger.
Sense of love, empathy – in overcoming of the fear, deducing of huge emotional amplitude outside. In rough approach it is possible to name love the higher form of adaptation of the visual person now.
Today any child is born arhetipichnym the carrier of a specific role inherent in it. To pubertata he should learn to adapt and adapt it under changed for many thousand years of a condition. And the visual child is not an exception.
“Mommy, do not turn off the light, me scared…” – so finds itself out of fear of darkness, primitive horror for possibility to pass coming nearer removal, to bring under the blow I will melt and to disappear most under sharp canines of an insatiable wild animal. “curtains so it is disturbing wave on a wind, the black stain on a black wall, in the dark&hellip is threateningly allocated;” – only the visual person is capable to distinguish four hundred shades of black colour! … closes eyes, turns away that frightens, and all the same cannot calm down up to the end, after all has already shaken itself with fear…
The more The temperament of the person, the bolshee quantity of various emotions is required for sensation of satisfaction, filling in a visual vector.
Visual children like to be locked in a dark shed, a closet, to get on an old attic and to tell each other terrifying stories about reductions, about vampires, about cemeteries and death. So they create atmosphere of fear and simultaneously in this emotional swing have a feeling of pleasure. It can remain innocent children’s game and in due course leave for ever; but subsequently, at insufficient development of sensuality in a visual vector, can outgrow in fixing on fear at adult age.
The fear for itself both the life and aspiration to survive is initially expressed in the desire to demonstration of – during primitive times the visual girl decorated itself a beads, earrings, colours. So it was an appreciable, always on a kind that in time have seized and have dragged from danger, have not forgotten, have not crushed. And in a modern civilisation zritelnik, remained in this fear, shows itself on a podium or dances in clubs; and in a condition nerealizatsii becomes the hysterical person: “Why me do not notice, do not appreciate, I for all, do all, and me in an emphasis do not see, do not love, as I deserve that.” these are tendencies of an undeveloped visual vector. The man’s psychology here is similar to the female: they do not find themselves in love, fears and emotional blackmail become the basic filling that leads up associates to an emotional exhaustion. Such a person simply has not learnt to draw attention in other, more suitable ways, having lost the main happiness of a visual vector, sense of his life, the prisoner in love.
The major problem of the parent of the visual child – to direct it on fear deducing outside, outside. To teach it to feel not simply ” I am afraid, and I bare the body. That all worked and have been directed on me” and ” I am afraid and consequently I advance ideas of culture, morals, I try to impart another understanding of the value of life, necessity of its preservation. Not my private, small, and Lives as a whole, for all… ”
For this reason the visual child since the childhood is important for accustoming to reading of the correct fairy tales pushing it on compassion, empathy, sympathy. “Don’t tear a floret to it after all it is sick! What for you throw a doll on a floor, she can hit and begin to cry! “the visual child takes to heart a pain and traumas significant for it live beings, and it recovers all around. For them and the case creaks a door as live, and dolls revive on the night… ” And if to peep furtively, without moving, with bated breath, that it is almost possible to see this secret life of things, but it is difficult, after all they are very fast, they are afraid that someone learns about in what they are engaged for lack of the owners! ”
Creation of emotional communication is the extremely important element of education of the visual child, in similar communication he feels the safety, security from strong and the loved one. In case experience of such communication was not in the childhood the person leaves in the adult life, not capable to long emotional attachment. Comes it is time to the first love, the young man has a requirement for love and relations with an opposite sex, and suddenly it appears that it cannot long keep love feeling on one object. The psychology of men in love, so far as concerns insufficiently developed visual vector, consists in its plural vljublennostjah, fleeting and superficial. Only the arisen emotional communication is quickly weakened, istonchaetsja and becomes obsolete, being thrown from an object on an object. Similar throwings cause a lot of discomfort, especially in the presence of powerful libido, provided with the bottom vectors, but not accustomed to such violent disorder. The man’s psychology in love, in the basic displays of a visual vector, does not differ from the female.
If in the childhood there is a rupture of significant emotional communication – death of a favourite animal sight can leave in a minus: the first blow always on a sensor control. Read about it in article « more in detail; Emotional communication with animals “.
Prior to the beginning of puberty the child, in the absence of confidential relations with parents, can fall in love with teachers, in characters of books or films, in heroes of own dreams. But if the right direction the child himself will already try to discover roundabout ways on development of the feelings when it is not given straight lines has been given: because pleasure from love and empathy in times is stronger, rather than filling through fear, and time having it tested, to refuse in favour of the last it is already impossible.
With the beginning pubertatnogo the period direct realisation of the turned out ability to test emotion begins. Visual love is not got mixed up absolutely not with sexual, this torn off from all terrestrial, air, ejforicheskoe the experience quite often built on imaginations, dreams and ideal representation about the chosen object of love frequently having few general with the validity. Till the certain moment the imagination feeds love feeling, but once it becomes a little, the feeling should be mutual at least at a minimum level. How to find the significant other? It is unusually important to visual person to have possibility to divide the feelings with favourite, therefore if you search emotional interosculation, it is necessary to mean what answer the same to you can only the person with the developed visual vector.
On the other hand, it is important to realise, where and what for to put even the most developed visual feeling – after all it not happens everywhere pertinently. To fall in love, run into emotional dependence then to plunge into the abyss of silent suffering from sad love without answer… or to find the true partner in life with whom the love and high-grade relations which is capable to divide your feelings and aspirations sincerely are possible! Psychology of men in love, as well as women – all this same display of a visual vector. Without it the person perceives relations with the partner absolutely differently, only naming the feelings of love, but without having this all-consuming feeling of love euphoria.
Only depends on us, as we will use potential available for us, on what we will direct it. To the woman there can be enough love in steam, but the psychology of men in love as a whole more difficult, in the hierarchy of their values occupies the first place social realisation. If there are at least the smallest handfuls of fear, it means only that we emasculate ourselves in love insufficiently, in compassion that we can more and more brightly!